Let’s get real for a moment.
You’ve just received the news—you didn’t pass the bar exam. Whether this has been fresh heartbreak or something that’s been gnawing at you for a while, the feeling is the same. That heavy, oppressive sense of disappointment is almost unbearable. Some days, you might not even want to get out of bed. Facing work? Impossible. Dealing with family or your kids? Forget it.
Maybe you've thought about skipping the things you know are good for you—like hitting the gym. Or, perhaps you’re tempted to shut off your brain with a Netflix binge and a side of your favorite guilty snacks.
I know the feeling. I've been there.
“It Feels Like I’m the Problem”
Here’s the thing: failing the bar exam can bring up a storm of self-doubt. You start to wonder, “Is it me? Am I just not enough? I’m the one who took the exam, so I must be the problem, right?” It feels deeply personal. But diving too far down that rabbit hole isn’t just discouraging—it’s dangerous. It can derail you, robbing you of the clarity you need to move forward.
So, what do you do instead? You try to dissect the exam, pinpoint what went wrong. But sooner or later, you start remembering things—things you did, and things you didn’t do. The “should haves” and “could haves” haunt you. Maybe if you’d done this differently, things would have turned out better. But guess what? You don’t know. You can’t know.
And that uncertainty? It’s paralyzing.
Why Does It Feel So Personal?
It’s normal to take this failure to heart. As a law student, you’ve spent years building a string of accomplishments. People have praised you. Maybe your parents gave you a little more leniency, or your friends admired your dedication. Each achievement has been met with some kind of reward, and it feels good. So, what happens when one of those achievements—like passing the bar—doesn’t happen?
It hurts. It feels personal because you’ve tied so much of your identity to accomplishment. You’ve come to believe that your worth is tied to success, and when success doesn’t come, it feels like a blow to who you are. But this is not who you are.
Failing the bar exam isn’t a reflection of your character, intelligence, or future as a lawyer.
Walking Through the Emotions
Let’s get to the heart of it: the only way to feel better is to allow yourself to feel. The sadness, the anger, the fear, and the regret—they’re all there for a reason. Let them come. Let them pass through you. This is the fastest way to heal.
And yes, it’s scary. You might worry that letting yourself feel these emotions will paralyze you. Maybe you’ll break down for a day or two. That’s okay. Emotions need to run their course, but I promise they won’t drain you of your desire or energy.
In fact, allowing yourself to feel will help you move on faster. You could find yourself crying today and smiling tomorrow. Trust the process.
What’s Really Happening?
Once you’ve acknowledged the emotional toll, you might feel ready to understand what happened. Failing the bar exam raises a million questions, and none of them are easy to answer. Do you reach out for help? Maybe you’re worried that asking for advice means exposing your failure to others, or revisiting the pain of that exam day. It can feel like self-punishment.
And let’s be honest—many people don’t ask for help. They head into the next bar exam with no real answers, shooting in the dark with new study strategies or advice from others. But without understanding what truly went wrong, they repeat the same mistakes.
The Power of Mindset
This cycle of self-doubt, self-help, and trial-and-error is a recipe for disaster. The solution? Allow yourself the grace to ask for help, to figure out what went wrong—and fix it.
I read a post from someone who said she wasn’t going to take the bar exam again for her mental health. It wasn’t just the number of attempts that got her there; it was the mental strain, the constant self-doubt, and the lack of meaningful preparation for the next attempt.
This is why mindset is crucial. Mindset work doesn’t just help you pass the bar—it sets you up for a healthier, more successful career as an attorney. It allows you to handle the stress, challenges, and failures that come your way with resilience.
You Deserve a Fresh Start
So, if you’ve been disappointed by the bar exam, I want to share something with you. You deserve to get to the other side of this. You’re already an asset to the legal world—you just need the license to match.
I’ve put together a simple handbook to help you reflect on your past bar attempt and get ready to move forward from a healthy place.
And when you’re ready, consider checking out my introductory lecture, Retake Success. It’s designed for repeat bar takers, or anyone questioning whether they can make it through. Together, we’ll work on building your confidence and eliminating self-sabotage. You’ll also get access to a supportive community where you can ask questions and regain clarity around your bar exam journey.
You’re capable of passing this exam, and you deserve the support to get there.