In one of my recent coaching sessions, Tanya, a student preparing for the bar exam, opened up about her fear of failure. She had taken the bar several times already, and the thought of failing again brought up a whirlwind of emotions—fear of judgment, fear of ageism, and fear of being stuck in the same place forever. These fears were holding her back from fully committing to her studies and setting a bar exam date.
I’ve seen this fear of failure so many times before. It’s not just about failing the exam—it’s about what failure represents. For Tanya, it represented rejection, ridicule, and being judged for taking the exam again at her age. These fears were so strong that they were preventing her from even considering a future where she passes the bar.
When it comes to addressing the fear of failure, I like to encourage my students to make a “fears list.” This is a simple exercise where you write down every fear that comes to mind, starting with the words “I fear.” For Tanya, it was fears like “I fear that people at the Board of Law Examiners will laugh at me,” and “I fear that no one will hire me because of my age.” Once the fears are written down, it’s easier to look at them logically and separate the irrational thoughts from the real concerns.
This is where Tanya had a breakthrough. She realized that some of her fears, like the Board of Law Examiners laughing at her, were irrational—after all, they probably wouldn’t even remember her name. But other fears, like the fear of ageism in hiring, were more valid. By identifying the real fears, she could start developing strategies to address them.
The key to overcoming the fear of failure is to face it head-on. Instead of letting the fear control you, acknowledge it, write it down, and then come up with solutions. For the irrational fears, remind yourself why they aren’t true. For the real fears, create strategies to navigate them. By doing this, you clear out the mental clutter that’s holding you back and make room for new, positive beliefs.
Tanya’s journey isn’t unique. Many bar takers face the same fear of failure, and it can be paralyzing. But if you’re willing to take a hard look at those fears and address them one by one, you can start to shift your mindset. Once you clear out the fears, you’ll have space to plant the belief that you can pass the bar. And when you truly believe that, you’re already halfway there.
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