In our December 28th article, we discussed how Fear of the Loss of Love is hijacking your Bar Exam Results. If you missed that here’s the link.
In this article, we discuss another fear that will hijack your results, Fear of the Loss of Life.
Note: Throughout this article, you’ll see references to your Ego. In this context, Ego is a perfectly normal and necessary function designed to keep you alive in your human body. It is like artificial intelligence (AI) system that will make you do or not do the things (it thinks are) necessary for your survival, even if it goes against your stated goals and desires. Our work in exploring the Fears is to detect when this AI system is at work and consciously override it so we can make it to our goals.
If that hasn’t totally blown your mind, and made you want to curl up in a ball and hide, read on.
As long as you have a body, you will have an Ego.
The Ego is designed to keep you safe and alive. A single cell observed through a microscope visibly moves away from destructive heat. All living beings have a mandate to live and the Ego helps you do that.
Thus, the main fear that will control your life and your results is a valid one, fear of the loss of life.
Although it’s a valid fear, a problem arises when life events have conditioned us to believe a certain circumstance will put our lives at risk (when rationally it won’t) and we live according to this belief for the rest of our lives. This is called conditioning.
After a while, conditioning becomes unconscious and we don’t even realize we’re automatically following these rules (for more on unconscious conditioning and how to overcome it read this).
The trick is in knowing when the conditioning is no longer necessary, and then “de-conditioning” ourselves.
When you’re a young, helpless child, many of the danger scenarios you pick up on through personal experience, observation of others, or direct teaching, would in fact lead to life-threatening circumstances—at that age.
A simple example: stranger danger. As a child, you learn to stay away from strangers. You’re taught “ Don't go anywhere with strangers or you could be in danger”. That teaching is necessary, and to whatever extent it sunk in, you learned to stay away from strangers.
Now, let's say 15 years later you are interested in love and trying to meet someone new. How comfortable are you approaching strangers in the grocery store, at a county fair, or in the park? How comfortable are they as you approach and talk to them?
Do they look at you as if you are weird or “after something” or a creep?
They were taught “stranger danger” too. The discomfort is “leftover conditioning” from our stranger danger teaching. To overcome this barrier and meet someone new the “organic” way, we have to consciously tell ourselves that it is okay to talk to a stranger. This is crucial. It is the only way we will meet one of our basic biological needs--our need for love.
Because…
1. We are older, less dependent on adults, and more rational, and
2. Another biological need hangs in the balance, we often
3. Become aware of our hang-up (unconscious conditioning) and work to overcome it all on our own. (Although modern tech has made that considerably easier with the invention of swipe-right dating apps).
But sometimes the thing that hangs in the balance is not a biological need (like sex, safety, or procreation) but a spiritual need or intellectual need. In those cases, your ‘will to survive’ won’t drive you to pass the Bar. You can feed yourself and keep a roof over your head without a Bar license. Passing the Bar is purely an intellectual and spiritual desire.
For some people, becoming an attorney can be connected to the loss of life, on the Ego level anyway. For example, if attaining that professional height could lead to rejection, and rejection always equates to death per our infant conditioning, overcoming your conditioned fear of loss of life, to finally pass the Bar and become an attorney will be nearly impossible—all on your own that is.
A biological mandate, wired in our bodies, to aid in our survival reads like this: "avoid ouster or rejection at all costs". You can tell this mandate is biologically sourced, hard-wired into your body, because it operates in all living beings. Even in animals that lack the thinking function that we humans have.
The trailing zebra gets picked off the herd by his predator. So, stick with the herd. Be normal. Stop being weird. Or you’ll die.
What is weird? Anything that is unusual within your social circle. So, if your circle makes an average of $55,000 a year, going above and beyond that will be weird. Weird is not necessarily bad, it's just something you are not used to.
Stories like The Scarlett Letter, illustrate how dangerous it is perceived on a Ego-survival level, to be cast out of your human tribe or social circle. It is seen as such a danger that threat of ouster was an effective deterrent from immoral acts or crimes. Historically, we are tribal creatures and we fight to remain a part of our tribe.
Can a person survive outside their tribe? Sure. But it's the Ego’s fear of not surviving that makes you "behave".
A human being also internalizes “survival rules” or mandates whenever they experience a shocking event: their first time in love, their first break up, a car accident, or military boot-camp for example.
Shocking events revert you to a very programmable state where you easily internalize stories, make links of cause and effect, and begin to live your life by that conditioning or programming. Later, even long after the event, your actions in life will reveal you are still living by this conditioning.
With the help of a guide you can examine your present circumstances, your triggers, and the results you get when you go for your goals, and uncover the story or conditioning that resides in your unconscious.
How is the fear of the loss of life irrationally standing in the way of your goals?
Many desired experiences, like obtaining your degree, passing your Exam, making more money, getting a promotion and getting married are solely for the experience of it and for self-expression. They are not necessary to your body’s survival, and thus they are “optional” to the Ego.
The Ego just wants to survive. It won’t let you talk to strangers (death), or risk rejection (death), just to obtain these “optional” things. But, when we can’t meet our goals, we don’t realize what’s going on because it’s unconscious!
Unconscious conditioning is 10 out of 10 times, the thing that is tripping you up when you fail to meet a goal.
Are you happy going around in circles, putting forth MORE effort each time yet getting the same result, and growing discouraged with each failed attempt? Successful people don’t settle for that.
See how this work can help you uncover your conditioning, get past it, and meet your goals. Schedule a Confidence Kickstart Call here. During the session, I will quickly asses where you are on your journey and what method or processes will get you past your hurdles. You will learn about options for implementing long-lasting changes that spill over into all of your life for more personal fulfillment, satisfaction and self-love.
Sometimes you want a quick and effective fix. If you’re one that can implement on your own without support, schedule a 60-minute Confidence Kickstart Call that will get you pointed in the right direction and on your way. This one-time intensive mentoring session is jam-packed with breakthroughs that will show you clearly what you’re up against and how to effectively approach your unconscious conditioning so you can find renewed energy for study and optimism for the Bar.
