In a recent coaching session, I spoke with Marwa, one of my bar exam mentees, about the frustration she feels when she makes mistakes during her study sessions. When Marwa practiced multiple-choice questions, she could handle errors without getting too upset, but when it came to essay writing and typing, her frustration boiled over. She would get so angry that she’d have to walk away just to cool down. This is a common struggle I see in my coaching—mistakes in areas where students feel less confident can trigger anger and self-criticism.
What Marwa didn’t realize at first was that her anger wasn’t really about the mistakes. Anger is often a cover for deeper emotions—usually anxiety or shame. In Marwa’s case, her frustration with her typing mistakes was tied to a deeper fear. She had learned English through handwriting in school, and transitioning to typing felt like a loss of her connection to the traditional way she learned the language. Typing mistakes reminded her that she was stepping into unfamiliar territory, which stirred up anxiety about moving away from her past and into a new identity as a future attorney.
I asked her what she feared would happen if her typing didn’t improve. She shared that it wasn’t just about the bar exam—it was about feeling like she was losing part of her identity by letting go of the traditional methods she grew up with. For Marwa, this was a huge realization. She wasn’t just dealing with mistakes in typing; she was grieving the loss of a piece of herself.
What I advised her to do next was to acknowledge those feelings of loss and recognize that change often comes with letting go of old habits and ways of being. Marwa is smart, resourceful, and determined. She’s already identified ways to improve her typing skills, like getting a new keyboard and practicing more. But the most important step for her was accepting that it’s okay to grieve the past while stepping into a new future.
If you’re feeling anger or frustration in your bar prep, take a moment to ask yourself what’s really going on beneath the surface. Anger often covers up emotions like shame, fear, or anxiety. By acknowledging those emotions and understanding where they come from, you can begin to work through them and turn your mistakes into opportunities for growth. Remember, mistakes are part of the learning process, not a reflection of your worth.
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