Balancing the bar exam and family: a true story of personal growth, sacrifice and triumph!

 ‘I’m nobody,’ he said, bottle in hand. ‘You don’t need me anymore.’ That night, I realized chasing my dream might cost me everything I loved.

I thought passing the bar exam was my hardest challenge. I had two daughters, a remote job as a law clerk, and a dream to help my tribe and other disenfranchised people as a lawyer. But as I grew, my husband… shrank.

First, he grew distant. Then he lost his job. By the time he turned to alcohol, I had to ask myself: Was my dream worth my marriage?

I had a choice: give up or keep going. What happened next changed everything.

The dream was ours, not just mine.

We met as teenagers on the reservation—he was my first love, my rock. When I decided to go to law school to fight for our people, he was proud. “You’re going to change the world,” he said, beaming as I studied late into the night with a baby monitor by my side.

But as I grew, he… stopped.

At first, it was small: skipping a workday here, snapping at the kids there. Then he started drinking. By the time I failed the bar exam for the first time, he’d lost his job and sunk into depression so deep, it felt like a black hole had swallowed our marriage.

I still had my girls, my remote law clerk job, and my dream. But now, my husband—the man who once cheered me on—saw my success as proof of his failure.

I started to ask myself: If pursuing my dream costs me my marriage… is it worth it?

The night everything broke, I found him on the back porch, staring at the stars with a bottle in hand.

“You don’t need me anymore,” he slurred. “You’re going to be a lawyer, and I’m… nobody.”

I couldn’t breathe. How did we get here?

My heart screamed at me to fix it—fix him. But how could I save my marriage when I couldn’t even pass the bar?

It felt hopeless. I wanted to quit—quit the exam, quit dreaming—just to stop the bleeding!

The breaking point came two months before my third bar attempt. I stared at the cluttered desk—outlines I couldn’t focus on, notes that blurred together—and broke down.

In desperation, I searched for help online. Not tips, not another study schedule—I needed something more. I stumbled on a post about emotional resilience for bar exam takers. The author wrote about carrying invisible weight: the stress, guilt, and self-doubt no one talks about.

Her words pierced through my fog. I signed up for a consultation and then her Bar Pass Plan strategy session, half-expecting another lecture about ‘studying harder.’ Instead, she asked:

"What’s stealing your focus? What’s too heavy to carry alone?"

No one had asked me that before—not in law school, not at home.

Working with Jennifer wasn’t about fixing my marriage or even just passing the bar. It was about finding clarity and courage in the chaos.

I stopped trying to save my husband and started talking to him. Instead of hiding my struggles, I shared them:

“I’m scared of losing you. But I need you to fight for yourself the way I’m fighting for us.”

He didn’t change overnight. Some days were worse than others. But as I began studying with intention, something shifted.

I set boundaries. I stopped feeling guilty for pursuing my dream. I passed my first full-length practice test. For the first time, I could see the possibility of success—and he saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

The day I took the at-home bar exam (COVID days), my husband packed the girls in the car and left me a note: “We’re proud of you. No matter what happens, you’re not doing this alone.”  An elder probably prompted him to do that, but I didn’t care.  For the first time in a long time I felt my husband in my corner. 

When I got the results—“PASS”—I cried so hard I couldn’t see the screen. But the best part wasn’t the score; it was seeing him beaming with pride–for me.

He started working on himself, bit by bit. Therapy. Sobriety. Small steps to rebuild his pride. One day, I came home to find him building a garden for our girls in the backyard—something of his own to be proud of.

Passing the bar didn’t save my marriage. We saved it together. I did my part, and he did his.  We both reached out for the help we needed. 

My daughters watched their mother become a lawyer. My husband found his way back to himself. And I stopped believing that I had to choose between my dreams and my family.

I did it all—but not alone.

If you’re carrying mental and emotional burdens while preparing for the bar exam—if life feels too heavy to focus—know this: You don’t have to do it alone.

A Bar Pass Plan helped me find clarity and courage when I needed it most.

👉 Learn about a Bar Pass Strategy Session here and to create your plan for success—without losing yourself along the way.

Balancing the pressure of bar exam preparation with family struggles can feel impossible. For many aspiring lawyers, the journey to success is marked by sleepless nights, emotional battles, and moments of doubt. This story of how one wife, mother, and law clerk overcame the odds is based on a true client story. Through emotional resilience, strategic planning, and unshakable determination, she achieved her dream of passing the bar exam while rebuilding her marriage and family life.

If you’re preparing for the bar exam and feel overwhelmed by the weight of life’s challenges, I hope this story inspired you to find clarity, focus, and hope.